Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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