i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
