Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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