ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
