What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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