worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
as a side note pls kill me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
