Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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