I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
