don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
