you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
