Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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