You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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