Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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