if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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