I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
