Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
