ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
