Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
