remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
