Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
