2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
