I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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