I heard we made out
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
