I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
