i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
