Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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