We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she told me i tasted like america
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
