Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
