Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
