Where did you get a picture of my penis
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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