tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Everclear isn't food dammit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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