if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
