I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
