You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
