And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
