I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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