Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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