I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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