i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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