Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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