New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
