I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize