Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
