shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
