Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
