Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
