The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
