I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
