Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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