Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
