There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
