his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
