new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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