Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
