At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
