mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You are a genius and a whore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
