I heard we made out
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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