If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
