Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
