Banned from zoo.
Again?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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