just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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