I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
