Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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