I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize