Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
