i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
