Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
