When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
