wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
