i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
try to milk me bitch
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